The Italian Job

Well, i'm off again, to Sulmona in Italy, in pursuit of art, architecture, and fashion... and a nice Italian stallion would be a bonus, and to see all the things in the Da Vinci Code, and get me some luxury surroundings after the run-down, half-built, cockroach-infested Malaysia (still love it tho!). Just been looking at where i'll be living on the net:

"In the south of the Abruzzo region, tiny villages built into mountainsides and nestled within valleys surrounded by vineyards of grapes and olives are typical of the land. Sulmona, the largest town in the area, is famous throughout Italy for its confezioni, sugared almond candies. Whereas Abruzzo, Italy is far from a luxurious or well known travel destination, the food, the landscape and the people of this region who cling to their old traditions, both pagan and Catholic, make Abruzzo an intriguing destination for those interested in visiting a region hidden from most foreign tourists."

Oh bloody hell... No i am not bloody interested in a place hidden from other foreigners, what will i do?? I don't even like olives. I bet there's not one pub. The back of bloody beyond, great. I wanted to live near Rome and ride a Vespa round the city of an evening, whispering 'Ciao' to the loads of fit men I imagine I'll be tripping over cos Italy's so full of them, I wanted to live la dolce vita and go to museums and art galleries (cough and sample the delights of italian nightlife cough cough). And living with bloody pagans?
So, to summarise, i'm going to a small village on a mountain where witchcraft is still practiced and they eat a lot of sweets. fan-bloody-tastic. sweet-eating witches. haven't even got a sweet tooth.

Oh my god and in a guide to Italy it says Italians drink frequently, but for the pleasure of the taste of wine, rather than to get drunk... oooo-kay then... i'm gonna fit in perfectly clutching me bottle of Kiwi 20/20 and a can of White Lightening with blackcurrant poured in the top to take away the taste of cats piss aren't i?

So I've learnt a little Itlian now, but I learnt it from a book written in the seventies, and designed for business men travelling abroad. I can say 'goodevening missis', 'very good' 'excuse me please sir' and 'any time'. I'm sure they'll come in handy at some point... of an evening... when i'm meandering down the street past a young lady... when I encounter a man stood in my way... who asks me whether i think italy is good or very good... and then thanks me for my opinion. Or I can see whether my old, trusty "Shout loudly enough and they'll understand cos English language is inherently within everyone, some are just too lazy to bother" approach.

For anyone that's interested this is an open invitation out to Italy with a bed on a sofa, it's dead cheap for flights to Italy you know, 'tho I'd better check it out before anyone books, i fly this Monday. I'm also going to be living and working with 1 other person... not too much pressure on them to be super-cool, entertaining, and witty then. What if we don't get on? What if they can't cook either? We live AND work together!! aaargh! At least I'll have plenty of locals who I can chat to with my now vast knowledge of Italian and a stack of sugared almond candies to take comfort in.

Ciao.