'roach with 'tude

Well, the end is nigh. i'm gonna miss this place. and the students. altho i'm not gonna miss the flat i live in. three of us are living there but i'm sure there are loads more nocturnal residents. Honestly, the size of cockroaches astounds and terrifies me in asia. Every time i get up to go bathroom at night, it's been comandeered by a fuck-off big cockroach. went to the bathroom last night and he was actually stood blocking the feckin door! i stamped my foot near him but he wouldn't move, he just looked at me and cocked his head, as if to say
"that all you got beeeyatch??"
so i stamped my foot a bit nearer to him, and he still holds his ground! as if to say
" jog on, you muggy little cant, this is MY domain at night!... who dares question me?? come ON!! let's 'ave ya! i'll bite your kneecaps off"
which i'm perfectly sure he was fully capable of doing (do they have teeth?). In the end i threw a pen at him and he ran away. i've given up killing them cos it's such and long and arduous task; i have to go fetch the bug spray and then chase them round the room spraying them constantly for a good five minutes, cos they're such double hard little bastards that they're still running round with this poison all over them going
"waa haa! you insignificant little human! you can not kill me with this 'bug' spray, i'm no bug, i am in-vincible! rrrrraaaaaaaa!!!"
and sometimes they run towards you, which really freaks me out and i run away screaming, but after a while they start to slow down a bit and stagger slightly and you can tell they're shocked at this:
"but what new devilry is this? i am feeling weak, what hast thou done? .... oh, infamy! i feel i am loosing my power!"
then they fall onto their back and can't turn themselves over and their legs flail helplessly about in the air, which i find particularly amusing
"oh woe is me! what have i done to deserve this?"
then you have to squash them.
i also feel bad about this.
killing animals just cos they're REALLY ugly and disgusting and gross... it's not a very humane thing to do is it?
"aaaahhh! it's UGLY, KILL IT! KILL IT NOW FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!"
i mean, they don't bite or anything, and they usually keep a respectful distance when they're not on an ego trip and facing up to you about territory.
not like bloody mozzies. i HATE mozzzies. i'm certainly not gonna miss them. they serve absolutely no purpose at ALL and in no way contribute to the chain of life that inhabits this planet and i think they should all die... of malaria preferably, i've heard it's a long and painful death.

oh, but i am gonna miss the food. i've eaten nowt but indian food for 2 months and have developed quite a taste for it, it's better than malaysian food which is minging.

and i'm gonna miss random people striking up conversations in public with you, which NEVER happens at home. i'll be the first to admit, if i was at weston bus stop waiting for the bus to weymouth and someone asked me where i was going and how long i'd been on portland i'd call them a mentalist and back away slowly. but when you're travelling people just talk to you all the time. and not just other travellers, but local poeple who like to chat cos you look different to them, and thay also like to practice their english. like, there's one old malasian bloke in the village who thinks he can speak english (i do not know WHERE he has got this notion, bless 'im, he's usually a bit pissed and, like me, probably thinks he's bi-lingual when drunk) he always chats away to me when i pass him, i just smile and nod, i sometimes recognise the occasional word, like "manchester" and "sister", and of course, the obligatory "lah?" but mostly i have no idea what he is talking about, he could be warning me to on no accout walk any further down the street cos there's been a chemical spillage and i could die or catch a skin-melting disease, and i'd be like "mmmm, that's great, well done, see ya" and walk off down the street.

so yeah, be home in a bit, can't wait for a cup o' tay and to watch the simpsons.... it's the simple things in life innit?