Didn't quite make it home...

well, as some of you may know, we're not at home. we missed our flight.
i could have lied, i could have exaggerated, i could have said the smoke from the farmers field burning in indonesia had affected and grounded all thailands airplanes, i could have said hannah had the serious squits from one too many singhs and some dodgy ice in her vodka milkshake, i could have said there was a minor earthquake...but no.... we are retarded and missed our flight cos we read the ticket wrong... well come on!! seriously, who was paying attention at school when mrs. cowling was going on about the 24 hour clock? what's the difference between 00:45 and 12:45? only 12 hours! but them 12 hours are vital when planes are leaving i s'pose. so we got to the airport and begged and pleaded and cried and offered to pay for any, ANY ticket to london ( british airways were like, 'ok, we have one, it's only 400 quid' and we were like, 'um, no, we're not that desperate or rich"). so, dejected and depressed after the buzz of going home, we got a taxi back to koh sarn road. well tried to, the taxi driver half way there went
"no can go koh sarn"
"you what mate?"
"gone, since 5.30"
"what you on about? we just came from there?"
"no can go. i take you hotel."
"um NO mate! take us to koh sarn"
then he starts jabbering in his walkie talkie and then pulls over and shoves it in han's face
"talk!"
"um, hello?"
a lady's voice answers
"where you go?"
"koh sarn"
"oh no, it shut, police there, can't go"
"what you on about? take us to koh sarn or drop us near there"
so after loads of arguing he dropped us like 5 mins from koh sarn, which doesn't sound long, but when you're carrying the amount of bags we are, like that bag lady covered in pots and pans and stuff from the end of the labyrinth, it just ain't funny when a taxi driver drops you unnecessarly far from your hostel. turns out there was a big police presence there, but i still don't know what it was aboot.


What the common traveller looks like after 6 months of travelling, you do tend to accrue a lot of stuff... mine's mostly shoes and pretty bags... oh, and like, loads of ethnic talismans and... stuff....




















so now am sat in aiport after arriving 5 hours early (just incase, like!), but there's a pub accross from here called 'bill bentley pub' and it looks well british, so that'll kill a few hours...

Girl Power

so, well aye, that's it then. we fly home tonight at 12.45pm. it's been a larf.
and i finally did one of my lifetimes ambitions - well, more of an intention, or a general want, than an ambition, i rode a motorbike, woo-hoo! it was dead good, me and han and kate went to ban tei on koh phagnan and hired out 3 motor bikes, me and han dared it and went with manual's and kate got an automatic. thought it was a little strange when the people who hired them out were not phased at all by the fact that none of us had any experience and had never ridden a bike before, they were like "it ok, we show you", so after a couple of lessons and hair-raising moments by the roadside off we todd on our own. we thought we'd venture to a nearby waterfall, got half way there and stopped for a pittstop (!) at a gas station, and the local thai blokes like
"you ride before?"
"no, first time"
"aaaah, you girls, you always fall off!"...
we scoff at this sexist coment by the unenlightened thai bloke and drink our drinks then set to head off and get onto our bikes. however, i'm now having a hard time getting mine back into neutral and frustratedly kicking the crap out of that lever that's sposed to start it, kates trying very unsuccessfully to get hers into reverse to back out of the yard, and hannah... well, i hear a crash, turn around, and there she is covered in blood on her leg, looking very sheepish, and trying to pick up the glass that's shattered from her wing mirro after she tried to turn around and dropped the bike ontop of her, and then suddenly kate's on the floor on her side squirming beneath the bike which has fallen on top of her going 'help! i can't get out! it's too heavy, i can't lift it, where's that sexist pig of a man gone??' and i'm still struggling to even get a sound out of mine, in the end a nice dutch bloke helped me start it..... yes, yes i see the irony, what a bunch of useless girly wirlies, suffice to say we were very shamefaced after that and set off back down the hill very, very slowly, forsaking the waterfall for a nice coastal path around the island stopping off at a beach which really, really reminded me of the one ariel steps out of in the little mermaid going "aaar arrr arrr arr arr arr ah ah'. which was very nice indeed. so when we get back to the place that rented us the motorbikes luckily it's dusk and while inspecting the bikes they miss kate's scratches down the side, and my scratches underneath where i pulled over to take a photo of the gorjus beach and scraped the bike on the kerb!! but they did take note of han's missing mirror, dented basket, and scratched brake handles... and charged accordingly. no wonder they were so eager for us to take the bikes, they probably saw us and went "kerching!!" dollar signs lighting up in their eyes:
"no experience of riding? no worries! try it anyway (cough, and pay the consequences you stoopid english pig-dogs cough, cough).

so this should be my last transmission for a while, back to blighty and bangers and mash and tetleys, mmmmm,
see ya
x

Cosmic Bum Power Yoga and Deluded Man-Eating Goldfish

Well, we made it, finished teaching and am now in thailand. On Phucket.
was a little wary of coming here after what happened, but it's fine... when you're in a rational state of mind. However, when you wake in the middle of the night because the rain's coming down really, really hard and the thunder's going and then the power cuts in your hotel, it's a might scarey. Had wave nightmares galore that night i can tell ya, me and helen were on the second floor but han and kate were downstairs and i was worried sick, even though we're on the top of a large hill, which was one of the specifications of coming here: staying in a tall hotel on the top floor on the top of a hill away from the beach.
You can still see remnants of the disaser like ruined buildings and it's very, very quiet, even for the off-season, but it is recovering, which is great to see.
We head of to koh samui tomorrow, and then on to koh phagnan for a 'black' moon party, turns out we missed the full moon AND the half moon party (what are the chances of that?) so it's the no-moon party on the 5th, which I spect will be quite dark.
Am making the most of eating pig now that i've left the muslim country of malasia where you can't get pig anywhere... right now it's bacon for brekkie, pork for lunch, and a light meal of piggy in the evening.... mmmmmm, sweet, sweet pigs.

##################################

We went to a free yoga session a couple of nights ago. What a load of shyte that was! God I wish I'd recorded some of the gumf the yoga master was spouting, it did have an effect tho. Me, han and kate were dribbling the whole way through the cos yoga master was a complete god (a complete god wearing only yellow fisherman's pants and nothing else! mmmm!)

He was asking us to channel the cosmic energy from above with our hands in the air, but if we didn't trap the energry in our bodies it would go straight through us into the floor, to stop this and harness the energy we had to 'tighten your anus'!!! waaa haaa!! I was trying so hard not to laugh and checking everyone else out to see if they were suppressing giggles (they weren't, they were busy channelling cosmic power to their bums) .

##################################

Ohmygod, me and helen have just been chased out of the sea by man-eating pirahnas. No shit! Mum, can you asked dad what the feck little yellow fish are doing biting me? They're only like an inch long but man do they sting you. I was so shocked! Like, a shole of them, about 5, chased me out of the sea, I was literally running backwards splashing them away and they were coming towards me in a full frontal attack, little feckers! Although it is on the beach where the full moon party is held, they're probably just goldfish on acid and tripping out that they're scarey sharks with big, sharp, pointy teeth.

Went to the dark moon party which was very, very cool, although it wasn't on the beach, it was nearer the forest, which is why, when I went to the toilet I ran out screaming from the first cubicle cos there was a massive poisonous looking cockroach with yellow spots on it in there, I also ran screaming from the 2nd cubicle cos there was a massive spider in there who'd laid a web right over the toilet, the third attempt was ok tho.
The music was super-cool, but unfortunately I didn't manage to dance, I was still minging from the night before (When helen MADE me drink lots of buckets.... Wot??? She did! ... and anyway, I needed them after the cosmic bum power yoga...) and anyway, it took me one and a half hours to drink ONE vodka and sprite cos I was feeling so delicate, and hannah would like it noted for the record that she hasn't taken a vow of abstinence from alcohol and she actually had to finish a drink for me which is definitely a first, usually the only way you'll take a drink from me is when you prise it from my cold, dead hands. I then got bought a jeigermeister tho and a couple of those sorted me straight out. It was a wicked layout, dance floors built into rocks of like a cliff face, lots of shiny happy people dancing their little hearts out in day glow tattoos and falling down the extremely steep stairs until god knows what time in the morning, we finally got home at 10am and went straight for a fry up on the beach and the party was still in full swing.