Mosquitos: 69 injuries Vs Katy: 2 fatalities

So I woke up on Monday, or was it Tuesday? Have lost track of time over here, it's not relevant unless you're catching a bus. Anyway, woke up with an extra uninvited and completely unwelcome room mate last night. Was washing my face, reached over to grab my towel, and out of it emerged THE second biggest spider I have ever laid eyes on. Needless to say I screamed loudly and ran next door to bang on the lads' room, shaking and jumping at anything with happened to brush against me, thinking it was him creeping over me and trying to crawl through my hair and inside my ear to eat my brain, which is naturally what every spider in the world wants to do. Luckily Adam is not such a wuss and with his infinite man-skills managed to trap the beast in a large cup and carry it outside. What is it with spiders wanting to commandeer my bathrooms? They only need to ask. I would have been perfectly happy to pack up my things and leave the room never to return. He can have it if he wants, there's no need to freak me out whilst I am performing my morning ablutions. What if he crawled on me while I was asleep? Went and had a look round my mouth? Aaaaaaaaargh! EAU. Min.ging.

In other animal-related news, am epic war has broken out. I have 37 mosquito bites in total on my left leg, the majority of injuries sustained in the left ankle region. 22 are on my right leg, 3 on each arm, and, most worryingly, 5 in a cluster on my right bum cheek. I feel so... so violated! Why bite me there? And more importantly, how? They must be able to suck through clothes. I accept full responsibility for this airborne attack, having blithely stated "Oh, they don't really bite me, must just not like my blood, think I drink too much beer and they don't like the taste" at the start of this trip. In restrosect this was a vastly stupid thing to say out loud. They obviously overheard me, were affronted, convened, and voted to collaborate to take as much blood from me as possible, leaving as much evidence of their sucking as possible. Honestly, I have a little new found respect for the feckers, I've only seen two with my eyes, which I duly killed. Hah! But they are crafty and cunning like a fox. Miss you and your enticing legs Hannah!

Anyway, travel news: we hired a houseboat in Alaphuzha to float down the river inland, to see the local rural life of the people who live on the river. The boat was better than any house I've lived in; it came with a chef! And a driver and an engineer. And 2 bathrooms, and a lounge area where you could dangle over the side in the sun and watch the palm trees drift past, and the Kingfishers and eagles swooping overhead. The only sounds were the purring engine, the water lapping at the sides of the river, and the birds, with the occasional slap of cloth on concrete as we passed locals doing their washing. It was so soporific, I don't think I've ever been that relaxed. There was just one slight problem. They came out at night, in squadrons, with a thirst for blood. So the first night, we docked literally miles from anywhere, no boats, no other humans in sight. We went for a swim at sunset, which was like a warm bath, climbed a coconut tree, then sat down looking forward to a right tasty tea, lunch was local fish, cooked to perfection. The meal was the most surreal eating experience I have ever had. It was pitch black and because we were eating outside in the open air, the chef made us eat with only a dim fluorescent light overhead, of the type you get in train station toilets to stop tramps finding a vein and jacking up. This gave everything an ultraviolet radiance which looked wierd anyway. Then, as soon as he put the plates down it commenced. Tiny wee midgeys landed on anything white. The plates were white. Then the night attack began and I got bitten, this time a viscious attack on a vulnerable area: my stomach, so got up and changed into a long sleeved white work shirt, with hair bands round the collars to stop wrist entry. My fluorescent green socks were pulled right up over my hareem pants to block ankle level entry, and my hareem pants pulled right up Simon Cowell stylee over the white shirt, effectively closing off all access areas for the fuckers. Mum, I looked like you. Troy got bitten and jumped up to put the only thing he owned with a hood on to stop the buzzing from the flies in his ears; an anorak. Adam's head was covered in flies. And Viola got up and put on a bright green hoodie over her ears. Looking like a mishmash of freaky anoraks geeks and The Trunchbull, we then proceeded to attempt to eat this delish food. It was a mission and I reckon we each ingested at the very least 15 midgeys. After the meal we sat in the complete dark smoking and drinking beer (thank the lord midgeys don't like beer). It. was. strange.

The next day we floated along, sunbathed, went for a walk in the rice paddy fields, waved at the people in all the other house boats, and the locals on the shore of the river washing their clothes, their babies, their pots and pans in the river, then docked in the chef's local village. This was more built up and we actually managed to eat with the light on and minimal aerial interference. And the food was served on a leaf the chef cut from a plant on the riverside and we ate with our hands! That rocked. Woke up on the last day at sunrise and watched the mist roll along the river, had a breakfast of sponge and curry, and now, after a one and a half hour train journey north, which cost 40 rupees for four of us (70 rupees = a pound) we're in a funky home stay called 'Oy's' in Kochi, recovering from a hangover, killing time til we fly back to Delhi on Monday to collect Adele (Yay!) and head up north to the mountains.