Photies from Kuala Lumpur, lah?

Me and my students...

Justin (Korea) Ahmed (Yemen) Osamah (Yemen) Akram (Yemen) Ella (China) Kang (China) Rizky (how COOEL is that for a name?!?) (Indonesia) Naya (Indonesia) Amir (Iran) and Behrang (Iran)
Me and my third real life class of intermediate students, they were absolute angels to teach, 'cept the fact that Naya from Indonesia (3rd from right) had a real thirst for knowledge, which i KNOW is a good thing and all that but this sometimes led to complicated grammar questions that i had no clue what the answer was, like
"teacher, teacher, what the difference between 'unless' and 'as long as'? ''
.... well i don't bloody well know do i?? stop surprising me with bloody awkward grammatical questions that i haven't prepared for!! She came up with some class lines did Naya, like:
"teacher, teacher, when do we use 'when' and when do we use 'until' and what the difference??". And when we were talking about different uses of the word 'by', like 'by train, by bus, by accident, by cheque', she goes
"teacher, teacher, can i say 'i love you by accident'?"
"um, no, not really Naya"
"why not? i want to say i didn't mean to love someone"
"um, yes ok, but no you just wouldn't say that"
"why?" (sat there looking all expectant)
um, well, it's ok grammatically but, um, no you wouldn't say it because... oh i don't bloody well know do i?!?, just don't say it ok?? i'm english and i talk proper and you just copy me and don't ask questions!!
The students also helped loads when i was observed by my boss, they were all perfect models of student, they looked really interested and completely enthralled by my teaching and the way i imparted my VAST knowledge of the queens received english for the whole lesson, they laughed at appropriate times when i cracked jokes, they all joined in the drilling (practicing pronunciation by having them all shout stuff together) with vigour, and in all they were stars and made me look dead clever they did.

My lovely I2 class again. that's Waleed in the red (see below)
How cute is Justin (far left)!?! aaarrrr, bless!! he thinks he's justin timberlake!! And check out Amir's catalogue model pose (2nd left).








Me and some of my fellow teachers on the school bus (it's in the morning that's why we all look rough as a badger's arse). The photo doesn't quite capture the depressing interior of the bus, it had bars on the windows which served to enhance the feeling of being on a prison bus.









Limkokwing University, where I work. (Sorry, dunno how to rotate pictures!)












me in a rather fetching thobe, a traditional dress from Saudi Arabia.
One of my rubbishest student, Waleed, gave it to me as a present... i think he was trying to bribe me into passing him cos he never came to class and never did his homework.
cheeky bugger.








Rasheed (Yemen) Mohammed (Saudi Arabia) me (England) an' Jeremy (China).












Some of me fellow teachers, Ben (Scotland) Helen (England) Will (Malaysia).

Out for a nice sedate meal... who could have predicted from this lovely photo that the night would turn into one big drunken shenanigan with barfing and fightin?








Ben and Jenny (England).
Again, a nice quiet civilized couple of drinks between teachers. Who'd have guessed the mayhem that would ensue?










me an' my flat mate Ben.
... ok, getting a little more drunk now, hugging everyone and getting a little too honest about who gets up whose noses at work. You just KNOW you're gonna say something you regret when you go out with yer colleagues innit?









Ok now were crossing the border into 'completely shitfaced' and hugging random strangers: "you're my besht fwiend ya know? i luv ya! gizza hug! where u from again? france wonnit?? ooooh la la!! vraiment?? i shpeak frenchinnit tu sais? bonjournee! common sha va? moi? treshbien merci boocoop, treshbien ma petit pois!!j'adore le beer! et tu? oooooo 'abeeeete tuuuuuu? seee?? i'm like, flunet in fwench in't i? wosh that? you're not from france? ahhh, shprekken sie doiytch??? ich heisse katy! vo vooonst du?... and so on....






Shawna (Canada) Ben, Helen.













Shawna me n helen.














give me an angry meercat! i want to see anger, i want to see a raging storm of anger within! no, no, no, i don't want mild annoyance, i want anger! you're angry! you're an angry meercat! grrrrr!

3 angry meercats
Claire (Oz) Kate (USA) and han (her own little planet)







Now give me a leemur, i want a pondering existential leemur, you're a leemur, your wondering why you're here? what's this life all about? who are you? how did you come to be?

3 thoughtful leemurs
Kate and Kate (USA)







Amazingly, below, ben managed to capture the precise expression i see on all my students faces when i turn round from the board after having explained a grammar point to them...

A cool cloud.













rambutan - a freaky lookin' fruit

'roach with 'tude

Well, the end is nigh. i'm gonna miss this place. and the students. altho i'm not gonna miss the flat i live in. three of us are living there but i'm sure there are loads more nocturnal residents. Honestly, the size of cockroaches astounds and terrifies me in asia. Every time i get up to go bathroom at night, it's been comandeered by a fuck-off big cockroach. went to the bathroom last night and he was actually stood blocking the feckin door! i stamped my foot near him but he wouldn't move, he just looked at me and cocked his head, as if to say
"that all you got beeeyatch??"
so i stamped my foot a bit nearer to him, and he still holds his ground! as if to say
" jog on, you muggy little cant, this is MY domain at night!... who dares question me?? come ON!! let's 'ave ya! i'll bite your kneecaps off"
which i'm perfectly sure he was fully capable of doing (do they have teeth?). In the end i threw a pen at him and he ran away. i've given up killing them cos it's such and long and arduous task; i have to go fetch the bug spray and then chase them round the room spraying them constantly for a good five minutes, cos they're such double hard little bastards that they're still running round with this poison all over them going
"waa haa! you insignificant little human! you can not kill me with this 'bug' spray, i'm no bug, i am in-vincible! rrrrraaaaaaaa!!!"
and sometimes they run towards you, which really freaks me out and i run away screaming, but after a while they start to slow down a bit and stagger slightly and you can tell they're shocked at this:
"but what new devilry is this? i am feeling weak, what hast thou done? .... oh, infamy! i feel i am loosing my power!"
then they fall onto their back and can't turn themselves over and their legs flail helplessly about in the air, which i find particularly amusing
"oh woe is me! what have i done to deserve this?"
then you have to squash them.
i also feel bad about this.
killing animals just cos they're REALLY ugly and disgusting and gross... it's not a very humane thing to do is it?
"aaaahhh! it's UGLY, KILL IT! KILL IT NOW FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!"
i mean, they don't bite or anything, and they usually keep a respectful distance when they're not on an ego trip and facing up to you about territory.
not like bloody mozzies. i HATE mozzzies. i'm certainly not gonna miss them. they serve absolutely no purpose at ALL and in no way contribute to the chain of life that inhabits this planet and i think they should all die... of malaria preferably, i've heard it's a long and painful death.

oh, but i am gonna miss the food. i've eaten nowt but indian food for 2 months and have developed quite a taste for it, it's better than malaysian food which is minging.

and i'm gonna miss random people striking up conversations in public with you, which NEVER happens at home. i'll be the first to admit, if i was at weston bus stop waiting for the bus to weymouth and someone asked me where i was going and how long i'd been on portland i'd call them a mentalist and back away slowly. but when you're travelling people just talk to you all the time. and not just other travellers, but local poeple who like to chat cos you look different to them, and thay also like to practice their english. like, there's one old malasian bloke in the village who thinks he can speak english (i do not know WHERE he has got this notion, bless 'im, he's usually a bit pissed and, like me, probably thinks he's bi-lingual when drunk) he always chats away to me when i pass him, i just smile and nod, i sometimes recognise the occasional word, like "manchester" and "sister", and of course, the obligatory "lah?" but mostly i have no idea what he is talking about, he could be warning me to on no accout walk any further down the street cos there's been a chemical spillage and i could die or catch a skin-melting disease, and i'd be like "mmmm, that's great, well done, see ya" and walk off down the street.

so yeah, be home in a bit, can't wait for a cup o' tay and to watch the simpsons.... it's the simple things in life innit?

One Reservation for the Mentalist Asylum, lah?

Went out on the weekend and got steamin' and embarressed meself infront of my fellow teachers, bloody eeeeevil wine. never again, lah. and i mean it this time. The nightclub we went to was marginally better than the last one i went to in KL (that just played rubbish trancey-type music and was full of japanese youngsters, who dance in a very strange way: they dance anywhere and everywhere in the nightclub: on the stairs, next to tables, outside the toilets, in the toilets, it was dead wierd, cos in england we only dance on the dancefloor don't we? and we usually dance in groups facing eachother, or the DJ, but in this club they danced alone all over the place!) anyway this club was much better than that one, i think. can't remember what music it was or what it looked like but i can remember it was very busy which is always a good sign innit?

Well, i've nearly finished now, lah. just a week to go and then off to sunnier climes, it's been dead nice here lately, not too hot and the occasional massif thunderstorm where it sounds like the sky's gonna cave in ontop of you and everyone runs round like chicken licken.
i'm being observed by my boss again tomorrow so wish me luck, lah? not doing owt remotely complicated in the lesson, a nice sedate conversational practice session with no running around, no banging of heads into walls, no grandma or the like. Then there's only one week left and i'm off!
That's about enough work for me.
Thanks for the memories.
See ya!
I'm thinking i'll like this teaching life you know, 2 months working, 1 travelling, 2 working, 1 travelling etc, etc.
So just another coupla weeks and i'll be partying hard on koh Pha-ngan and i can't wait, mem! booked me flight to Phucket as i can't be arsed to go on the bus even tho it'd probably cost, like 5p lah, have had enough of bloody buses. Thought i'd better go back to the west coast, just to show support for thailand's tourist industry after the tsunami, i'm still going to be bricking it every time there's loud wave breaking on shore tho...
"han! look, oh my god, does that look like the crest of a wave out there?"
"no katy, that's a boat"
"oh, ok"...
"han!! oh my god what's that??? is that a massive wave?"
"no katy, that's an island"
"oh yeah"...
"oh fuck han what's that out there? can you see? it's coming towards us, oh god RUN!"
"thats a bloody airplane, for the love of god shut up!"
"okay then."

We're gonna try and catch a full moon party after that, this is what it says about them:

"There are about 10,000 people every month at this Koh Phangan beach party. It is of course known as the Full Moon Party. International and Thai DJ's are making the crowd go wild. Paint yourself in UV colors and let your body loose control. The DJ's play all kinds of music; techno, trance, goa, drum n' bass, dub, reggae, commercial hits, house etc."

woo-hoo!! drum n bass!!! nice one bruvva! i'm gonna get completely MARACKERED, lah!! no but, yeah but, apparently every month the mentalist asylum nearby gets over-crowded cos ferangs (that's the local thai name for tourists) drink one too many "special" milkshakes and go a bit loopy!! hee hee!! oh man, i can't wait! hope there's a full moon while we're there, but apparently there are half moon parties which are also highly recommended... i'm not really arsed what shape the moon is as long as there's cool people and music and the chance to get messy on a beach til sunrise!

Well, gotta go plan my lesson now. Oh god, I can't wait til this is all over...
(- this is the stock phrase used by all the teachers here on most mornings)

You stay classy United Kingdom,

p.s. i've noticed there's the coolest way of speaking in malasia, lah. Here every sentence is followed by a 'lah', and 'mem' is also pretty popular. As you may have noticed I have now adopted this seeing as i'm too lazy to learn a whole nother language, lah? i'm just gonna adopt bits of other ones and tag them onto the end of me speech, lah?